I went to a prospective art thing today with my therapist. when my therapist mentioned stuff i've done the facilitator or whatever they are called me an "established artist" and.... like... i know it's technically true, because I've got a diploma in design, I've sold stuff at markets, have done the occasional commission, and sold a painting to a government department for use in a report (still cant believe this fact, but it was a very internal thing that wasnt made avaliable to the public and the copies I've seen of it were redacted lol so it feels STRANGE hahah) and like I KNOW that all this information is basically equal to "this person is an artist" but like.... I DUNNO... It's that imposter syndrome and self invalidation I guess. Like... I can call myself an artist... but it feels like I say it in a trivial hobby quirky way when I refer to myself as one. Not that that isnt also completely valid and makes someone an established artist... IDK... I feel like this is a thing that 99% of artists feel and relate to. It is hard to define myself as artist in a serious way, and equally crazy to say that in an established fact, that I have ESTABLISHED myself as an artist... Which i guess also implies an establishMENT which is crazy. Out here running establishments that are held together with string.
It has made me feel a lot calmer though. Like... I have had the realisation that I am "an artist" before, but I guess there are so many things I WANT to do and be better at and be more... disciplined with that I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and untethered creatively (and personally) and having someone removed from my inner dialogue and spit actual indisputable fact at me was a good wake up call and got me out of my head feeling good and valid about it no matter how chaotic of a process my art and my self is. Unironically I am feeling a buzz of creative energy now ahahaha.
One of my Toxic Traits (I have so many half baked iterations of Beak [vtuber model for streaming] and none of them have really been finished... and then... I inevitibaly redesign them... TO BE FAIR I ACCIDENTALLY SAVED OVER A GOOD BLENDER FILE I HAD AND IM SO MAD ABOUT IT)
I put CSP on my ipad properly again last night too, I like procreate well enough... but god... I feel like I can draw SOME things so much easier with CSP, also massive points because of VECTOR!!! It happened bc I was like UGH I wanna make some maps for DND group, but then found csp brushes I had for map making and then decided i wanted to do it on my ipad instead of pc because I wanted to scibble away while watching tv............. will I make maps with it??????????????????????????????????????? TO BE SEEN...
Religious Iconography
Oh yeah I've also been doing some pixel art on my ipad. Oh and I also made something really funny for my boss - might share one day
beak is listening to
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PRINCESS OF POWER by MARINA
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