...

This morning I dreamt that my parents randomly had more children. It was chaotic. I feel uncomfortable and unsafe when other people touch or move some of my things around (possibly autism trauma response) and in this dream there were suddenly kids of varying ages living in my teenage bedroom.

I often dream that I am living back home and the house and furnishings are different to how they were. The same was true in this one. I don't know what the circumstances were that caused me to need to stay at my parents house, but for some reason I was staying there and I had laundry to do. I specifically had to wash some bathers. I went to collect my clothes and they were all gone. I asked everyone where they were (I think I was meant to be going to the beach with my older cousin?) and nobody would answer me. Everyone palmed it off as if it wasn't important, but it was stressing and distressing me. I suspected that some of the kids were playing pranks on me and it was really upsetting in the dream.

What was even more upsetting was that my mother did not care about anything at all. I think I asked her why and she said something to the affect of "I have 93 children now, things don't matter anymore", started listing the names of all these children who were apparently my siblings, and she was really dismissive of my feelings which is very out of character for my mother. I felt so shocked. I was also shocked to learn that I had so many siblings. I am 32 and an only child and the dream canon implied that she stated having these extra children in my twenties. I would have killed for a sibling IRL. I flet so a lone and have storng attachment and abandonment traumas too so my mother acting this way made me feel so dysphoric. Right before I woke up I found out one of the oldest (teen?) kids was actually MY CHILD (apparently dream me knew it but the me that was experiencing the dream unfold did not know it until it was coming out of my mouth)

Usually I can figure out why I dream what I dream, but this morning when I woke up I was completely baffled and had this strange feeling. I fell back to sleep and I think the dream continued somewhat, or I had a similar dream about something else. I can't remember right now. I was so curious about why I dreamt this and then continued on with my day, trying to leave the hypnogogic pulls (I forgot to have my vyvanse I was so IN the dream so I only had some short release dex)

I was finishing up after an hour of secretarial work I was doing and it dawned on me!!!!!!!!! Although this was NOT 100% the content of my dream, I had been watching Wayward with Mae Martin last night, RIGHT before I fell asleep! It was very intriguing and there was a lot of culty stuff going on in a Dr Phil ~ranch~ boarding school for wayward teens. Pretty sure thats where all these kids and weird vibes came from hahha. I gotta keep watching it. But man, it was a strange dream. I was crying a LOT.