This page is the web companion to a playlist zine I created for
The zine was meant to be a quick easy fun thing for me to whip up for
It was originally my intention to write breakdowns for why I was including certain songs IN THE ACTUAL ZINE, but I ended up including 31 songs (even AFTER regrettably taking some out) and it was still going to be damn near close to book length so I put more than one song on some pages! I still wanted to somehow include my thought process with the zine so thought I might as well put it here on this handy dandy webpage.
I have been intending on making an X Files FanShrine for YEARS and this was a really good excuse to finally start putting one together, SO all the behind the scenes, headcanons and reasonings for some of the songs and some of the LORE behind their inclusion (my delusions) will gradually and eventually be accessible on this page.
There are possibly spoilers ahead, and some adult themes. Trying to censor some of my language but yeah... I will add some kind of spoiler tags you can click on to unhide spoilery parts eventually
A lot of this song screaaams Scully to me.
It felt like a good place to start because the opening especially, is Scully to a T.
i'm not a conspiracy theorist
but i read blogs by scientists and
i believe they know more than we are being told
by the mainstream media sources
who want the truth to hold its horses
so there isn't mass hysteria
as the sea floor erodes
Mulder is the "Conspiracy Theorist", it's literally his whole schtick, and the plot of the entire show is that Scully has been brought on to "debunk" the wild claims he habitually makes in his case files. This earns her the position and title of "Skeptic".
A lot of sources pose Mulder and Scully as opposites (a completely incorrect assumption, and a tangent for another time), but even from the Pilot episode we can see that Scully's skeptisism is oft representative of objective and scientifically observable facts.
There are numerous occasions throughout the series where she states or at the very least implies that the government and authorities she works for are hiding objective truths from their subjects. She is not one to fall for propaganda from either side, she quintessentially translates all the noise and can see and reflect reality for what it is.
Scully:
Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder?
To debunk your work. To rein you in, to shut you down.
Mulder- Fight the Future, 1998
But you saved me. As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over. You kept me honest. You made me a whole person. I owe you everything. Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now, they win.
To say that Scully goes through a LOT over the course of the show is an understatement.
In season 2 she is abducted where her ova are harvested, rendering her barren and
She struggles to accept the news of her infertility until her Cancer Arc which begins in season 4. She grieves the loss of her ability to bare children but eventually accepts it and the cancer as a consequence of her abduction.
Almost immediately after she accepts this and decides not to let these circumstances hold her back from continuing the quest for The Truth, she finds out that one of her harvested ova have been used to create a little girl named Emily who is extremely unwell. Emily soon dies which was incredibly traumatic for Scully.
In season 7 she is given a baby to hold and it is the most excruciating thing to see, which Mulder points out. That same episode Mulder is abducted, and just before the credits roll we are informed that SCULLY IS PREGNANT! HOW? And yes, suprise suprise, the baby is indeed Mulder's! Scully is understandably pretty desperate to track Mulder down.
They finally reunite not long after baby William is born, and we get to relax and fangirl for a whole 5 seconds because Next Season We have To Give The Baby Up For Adoption To Keep Him Safe From Every Single Person Ever because we are not allowed to have nice things in this show. Seriously, don't even talk to me.
and maybe it's the end
i always thought the end of man would be
exactly what we need for the earth to stand a chance
and i always thought that i'd be fine
if this happened in my lifetime
now that i'm a mother, it is really terrifying
I just felt like the references to motherhood - the worry that comes with it, the hopes for a world where offspring can thrive, and responsibilty of educating our children on looking after themselves and the planet, spoken about in this song was particularly poigniant and... just a little accurately emotionally loaded in relation to Scully.
Full lyrics for Driving, Driving, Driving by Kimya Dawson
Kate is my fave singer of all time and I originally had SO MANY of her songs in this playlist but managed to cut it down to a couple. It was hard ahahah!
This song is about the state of humanity, how we've lost our course and fallen into consumerism, greed, etc, are isolating ourselves, acting strange, and not looking after the Earth. A cautionary tale about someone who is falling into delusion even though there are warning signs.
Obviously massive religious symbolism is used.
I also think it's kinda funny to put Mulder into the context of Adam from Scully's point of view. "The room downstairs" = the office in the basement. "All the pictures in the magazines have gone to your head, You're chasing paper dolls to catch your tail instead" = Mulder is so caught up trying to find the truth that he tends not to be able to see the forest for the trees. It also doubles as a funny jab at his "Adult media" consumption.
This song explores the contrast between spiritual guilt and physical desire, using a lot of religious references.
Scully's father was a Captain of the US Navy. In the episode "Never Again", Scully talks about stealing mothers cigarettes because she knew it would make her father mad. Implies that she sees most of the men in her life in a similar way (father figures) and that she feels like rebelling against the authority they impose on her.
The line "I've got a little Irish lilt, I've got a lot of Catholic guilt" is one of the key lines I find applicable because Scully is a redhead and does in fact carry a lot of religious guilt.
Added last minute because I'd taken quite a few of the original feminist anthems out as they weren't as relevant to X Files thematically and were more of a vibe that I include in 90% of the playlists I make about fictional women.
"Don't you think I know exactly where I stand? This world is forcing me to hold your hand" Scully was assigned to the X Files to 'debunk' Mulder's conspiracies. Over the course of the series there are so many people who assume that Mulder and Scully are dating or married when they aren't (yet!)
Every time I think of this song in the context of the X Files I think about this scene 
Feels self explanitory. Self-knowledge through solitude arc.
Not being sure of who she is and what she believes, not wanting to enter into a relationship unless she is a little more clear on that.
"There's no way on earth to tell, What I want, When I don't even know myself" - I like to read this line two ways. "I don't know myself yet" and "I don't know what I want out of a relationship yet"
Scully went on a date with a guy named Rob in the season 1 episode "Jersey Devil". Part of me feels like this situation was what put Scully off dating for the majority of the show because, while from Rob's point of view she was a bit of a workaholic, she was actually spending a lot of her time with other people (Mulder, I can just say it LMFAO) who both challenged her and also complimented her on an intellectual level. Basically, Rob's neurotypical. Mulder and Scully are not neurotypical. A lot of big life events were happening in her world that challenged her belief systems and she looked at those issues with curiosity in an effort to untangle them. Learning about this was far more important than dating people who could not understand this.
I also like the line "I don't want another partner, So don't try and break the spell" because while in the context of this song it definitely means romantically, it also works for the FBI context of partner.
Three scenes appear in my brain when I hear this song:
Scully rushing around the J. Edgar Hoover Building, frustratedly trying to get someone to help her track down Mulder, cursing in an elevator and kissing Skinner on the mouth.
"Pick up the phone and make it happen" from the start of Fight the Future (the first movie)
This outtake from X-Cops
I like to think of this song as Scully's frustrations directed toward anyone other than Mulder, but also sometimes very much directed at Mulder when she is exasperated by him.
This song has been in my X Files playlists for over a decade. Gives me such massive general X Files vibes (mention of cults and stuff, the melody and instrumentals, its literally Bjork) not to mention MASSIVE MSR vibes.
This is another example of a song I could probably write a whole book on why I find it relevant but it is also probably self explanitory.
Mulder is a little bit dumb and its fun to be in love with someone who is a little bit dumb, especially when its very overwhelming and you are still trying to sort out your own shiz. Its also fun to isolate yourself from other people and become completely consumed by your own inner world because you can't do anything about The Predicament of being in love with someone who is a little bit dumb and wanting to sort out your collective shiz.
A few Scully centric episodes ('Never Again' and 'all things' just to name a few) deal with Scully's realisation that she's either not being true to herself or she's in too deep and consumed by the things that Mulder is consumed in and not paying enough attention to her personal life or deeper issues that she hasn't had the opportunity to resolve.
This song feels so sad to me. Hesitation and fear of feelings either being unrequited or not knowing if acting on them is the best choice.
This song literally kills me and makes me bawl my eyes out and snot everywhere.
Some of the things Scully does out of desperation to break patterns and stuff... most nobtably in 'Never Again' and 'all things' (once again)
I don't mean this as a diss to Scully, but the opposite! A diss on Mulder in anything hahah. The following transcript is honestly what a lot of songs in this playlist are chosen for
Closing scence of Never Again
X-FILES OFFICE Door opens revealing a still tired and bruised SCULLY.
MULDER walks up behind her and into the office. He is sarcastic.
MULDER: Welcome back. You look a lot better than you did in the hospital. And congratulations for making an personal appearance in the X Files for the second time. (Gets file from cabinet) It's a world record. (He keeps looking for a response. There is none.) Ed Jerse is in custody at the St. John's burn facility in Philadelphia. Traces of ergot were found in his bloodstream as in yours, but not to the degree that should cause hallucinogenic ergotism. (SCULLY sits) He'll undergo psychiatric evaluation after recovering from burn trauma. Comrade Svo has been shut down, he was under investigation for having connections to my friend Pudovkin. Case closed on Boris Badenov, which is really a shame because I was thinking of having an "N.Y." tattooed on my ass to commemorate the Yankees' World Series victory. Better late than never, huh.
(SCULLY picks rose petal off his desk. MULDER watches her. Then rises uncomfortably and goes back to file cabinet.)
MULDER: The uh, field office in Dallas is uh, receiving reports of the image of a missing child appearing on a blank billboard outside of Arlington... (Sits again, opening new file.) ....so.... All this, because I've ... because I didn't get you a desk?
SCULLY: (Looking up at him) Not everything is about you, Mulder. This is my life.
MULDER: Yes but it's m - -
(SCULLY looks at him questioningly. He starts to speak again, then sighs and fiddles with things on his desk. Uncomfortable silence in the room.)
Is this song not spiritually just about Scully realising that she keeps becoming to entwined with "father figures" and the need to rebel from them.
I TRIED KEEPING THIS SONG OUT BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT EXIST IN THE WORLD OF X FILES AND ITS LOW KEY CRINGE AF BUT ITS SSAIOFJKLF TOO RELEVANT AND I LOVE IT LMFAO.
I mean it was literally written about them and thew show so I don't really need to elaborate but I chose to include this in a playlist for Scully RATHER than take it out and use it in a generic MSR playlist because it feels way more Scully POV to me.
This is the most MSR X Files song I have ever heard in my whole entire life and it WILL BE in every single X Files playlist I ever make because it is perfect and beutiful and I am forever obsessed with it.
Very autistic coded
Honestly probably also one of my favourite songs of all time because of this.
Another song about both everyone who is not Mulder and very explicitly about Mulder being a little bit dumb and annoying
Also sexism and authority figures and the government and whatever. OH! This song and Just a Girl are also about Chris Carter creating a being too powerful to control. Seriously. They made Dana Scully and simultaneously said she's a HBIC independant woman BUT THEN DENIES HER ANY KIND OF A PERSONAL LIFE IN ANY ASPECT and then, also continuously denies that her relationship with Mulder is anything beyond platonic when the subtext is clearly in opposition to that. Chris, have you watched the show that you made? Chris??? CHRIS??? Let Scully f**k!
Can you tell my brain is leaving? Cool.
Revision of the themes in Navy Blues (religious guilt and horny lovesick?), but less about "my dad was a Naval Captain" and more pensive and yearning.
We aren't just fighting the patriarchy and religious guilt, we are also FIGHTING CHRIS CARTER.
Love this song. It's about the give and take in relationships, more specifically when someone is only taking (looking at you Mulder, sorry I love you Mulder) and losing yourself in someone else and their world.
Love the metaphors and symbolism. Love Kate. Obsessed. Good voice.
I ALSO TRIED SO HARD TO NOT INCLUDE THIS SONG BUT I HAVE TO I CANT NOT I'M UGH THEY USED IT IN THE SHOW OKAY THATS WHY ITS HERE.
I ACTUALLY WANTED TO INCLUDE THE SONG IN ORISON BUT A RECORDING DOESNT ACTUALLY EXIST OF THE SPECIFIC COVER AND WHAT I FOUND ON SPOTIFY WAS KINDA MEH.
The use of musical timing in 'all things' is one of the best things about the episode imao. Gillain Anderson directed the episode as far as I remember and its a massively Scully centric episode and this song just...
Speaks to me
Wanted to include a Bat For Lashes song for the vibes. Picked this one because cosmic and mystical and spritiual.
THE WHOLE X FILES/MSR FANDOM BLEW UP WHEN THIS SONG CAME OUT. EVERYONE WAS LIKE. MSR SONG OF THE IDK.. MILLENNIA... Specifically for MSR circa I Want To Believe and the reboot.
I mean... you ever over think everything ever and then decide not to? Yeah its that.
Yes, there are 3 Sara Bareilles songs in this playlist. Yes, I had to stop myself from adding more.
Outing myself as a hopless romantic in this playlist whoops.
Looking at the past with curiosity to see how you got where you are now?
Yeah my brain is turning off oops
Scully literally sang this in 2 episodes, so I gotta be cringe, be free, and include it :) banger.
Yet another revision of the religious guilt vs horny but more horny this time. We have left the poignant pensiveness behind and are just having fun now, okay.
Mulder owns a futon couch okay
Outing myself as a hopless romantic in this playlist whoops.
Field where I Died vibes, Mulder not gonna stop searching for "the truth" vibes
Heard this song when I was at a bar in my early 20s, deep in X Files fandom and I went insane about how MSR coded it was.
We're back to the regularly scheduled religious and horny show!
The only reason I left Take me to Church by Hosier out of this playlist is that I decided that Mulder can have it as a treat! He didn't go to church so Scully is going to take him there i am cancelling myself for writing this. idk if this playlist is about Scully or just about horny religious guilt and sexual repression
Jokes aside - I love this song, Scully would love this song.
Spoilers abound.
It is a popular fan theory that the show implies that Scully is immortal. Chris Carter kinda played along with it when he realised.
Immortality! extant! Taking yourself back. Spiritual and mystic.
Personal growth but also IMMORTALIY
"The truth" is ever shifting and unknowable. Strong religious themes throughout. Big growth/you live you learn vibes that I feel Scully would relate to but Mulder might not want to accept.
Kate and her husband covered this song (woo covering your own song wooo, how does that work?) with their experimental band Fatty Gets a Stylist. It is going in the playlist I eventually flesh out for Mulder.
This version feels really refreshing and hopeful to me.
Last minute addition because I thought it was funny and ironic RE the title of the zine and also felt pretty relevant regarding breaking codependancy cycles.
I'm not sure if I will include the other drabble I have written on this page or somewhere else on this site but we shall see!